


5 Times Merlin Used Magic and Arthur Didn’t Fucking Notice (and the 1 Time He Fucking Did Notice)

by numinousnumbat



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Some Sex, gratuitous use of the word fuck, some gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 14:25:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16139108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numinousnumbat/pseuds/numinousnumbat
Summary: At this point, Merlin is only keeping Arthur alive to make sure he can tell Arthur how annoying he is.





	5 Times Merlin Used Magic and Arthur Didn’t Fucking Notice (and the 1 Time He Fucking Did Notice)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m seven episodes into this show and I love it and its ridiculousness. Even though I’m sure I’ve 100% accurately guessed how this all works out, please no spoilers. ;)

**1\. Killing a fucking dragon**

The dragon swooped down again, breathing out a line of scorching fire. Merlin whispered the words to the spell, keeping a cold protective shield above Arthur, above Arthur’s knights.

Arthur had brought a _sword_ to fight a _dragon_ , how thick was he? 

Arthur was climbing to the top of the rock, the rock that was the only natural feature that could even remotely protect him from the fire. He was going to do something stupid. More stupid than usual, and Arthur's level of stupid was already frightfully high. Merlin saw him crouch, watching the dragon turn to make her approach.

That idiot was going to try and stab a flying dragon.

Merlin was going to save him just to let him know how stupid he was. A sword against a dragon? He'd have the same luck trying to punch her in the nose, that is to say no luck at all. 

Merlin held out one hand to keep the protection spell up and with the other he readied a slicing spell. The dragon made her descent, breathing great fireballs this time, and Merlin felt the first fireball hit his shield. He kept that spell going and then as Arthur leaped into the air, yelling and swinging his sword around, Merlin let the slicing spell go, and Merlin might have been a little too preoccupied about not letting Arthur die that he went a little overboard with the slicing spell and cut the dragon from shoulder to shoulder, her head falling to the side exposing the inside of her neck as blood spurted out.

Well, beheading was at least  _efficient_ , now wasn’t it.

The dragon’s mass kept her moving through the air and she crashed into the trees behind them and hit the ground with a thud that made the earth shake.

Arthur had to turned to watch it all, his mouth hanging open. As she hit the ground, his knights started a cheer and a few of them grabbed Arthur and carried him on their shoulders.

No one mentioned that there was no way possible way a sword could have done that damage and Merlin wasn't going to be the one to mention that either.

 

 

**2\. Falling off a fucking cliff**

There was absolutely no reason the crown prince should be risking his life to scale up the giant cliff for the flower Gaius needed. None.

Arthur employed knights and pages and stable hands, and any of those people could do it. He could have paid someone a cow or a couple dozen chickens to do this. He could have asked someone nicely with that charming smile he did. He could have ordered someone to do it, since he was the _crown prince._

Merlin could have done it in a minute had he been alone, had Arthur not wanted to accompany him an hour’s ride north to get the flower. Arthur could have minded his business for five fucking minutes and let Merlin leave the castle by himself for once.

But no, Arthur had to be all “of course, I’m coming with you” and “Merlin, you couldn’t possibly scale this cliff with your gangly arms.”

Besides the flower was 1. poisonous 2. magic and 3. smelled worse than a latrine at the end of summer.

Arthur scaled up the cliff in a manner of a goat, making it look easy, and here Merlin was, unable to even make _walking_ look easy. Arthur was at the top and had picked the flowers, waving them for Merlin and the rest of the entourage to see and everyone politely applauded this foolery, their prince climbing a cliff, a cliff where it would be easy for him fall and _die_.

Arthur was moving down the cliff slowly and steadily, doing a good job of pretending he cared about his life, even though he shouldn’t have been climbing a cliff at all. Merlin was holding his breath as Arthur moved each limb, carefully testing his footholds and handholds before trusting his weight on them.

Arthur was moving his right foot down when the foothold he had his left foot on crumbled into bits and both his feet went flying and he was hanging on by just his hands. He didn’t panic and calmly tried moving his right foot around to find the foothold, but he couldn’t get to it.

Then his right handhold crumbled and he was left swinging dangerously from his left hand.

He had just hurt his left shoulder last week in training, which is why he shouldn’t have been up the cliff at all!

Merlin sent a small, tiny really, pulse of magic up there, and formed a foot-wide ledge right at Arthur's feet. He saw Arthur tap-tap-tap it before putting both his feet on it.

Hopefully every person watching was a bit nearsighted because that was definitely a perfectly flat ledge that didn’t exist a minute ago. 

Merlin was so relieved to see Arthur not swinging around by one hand that he head to sit down and bury his head in his hands. By the time he looked up, Arthur was already hanging from the ledge, looking for more footholds.

Arthur made it down without any more mishaps and instead of kissing the solid ground he was standing on in thankfulness, he came over to present the stinky flowers to Merlin, kneeling on one knee and flourishing them like they were a wedding bouquet.

Merlin grabbed them and shoved them into his bag before flinging himself forward and enveloping Arthur in a hug.

“I’m ok, Merlin,” Arthur said to the hair on the top of his head.

“Not for lack of not trying,” Merlin mumbled into Arthur’s shirt.

 

  
**3\. Fucking poison**

They used food tasters for the feasts and ceremonies, but didn’t bother when it was Arthur and Uther eating by themselves. They trusted the kitchen servants and no one had actively paraded around Camelot demanding their heads in …well, months at least.

There was no need for Merlin to even be at their dinner, but Arthur wanted him there so he could complain about whatever asinine things Uther said later. Merlin stood behind Arthur's chair, ready to refill his wine the moment Arthur needed it. Merlin was bored and had started to count the number of times Uther said "duty" to keep himself from falling asleep. He wasn’t able to see when Arthur started choking, but could see the fear in Uther’s face.

“Arthur, Arthur,” Uther shouted, then even louder for the guards. Even before they could rush in, Merlin was already there, moving Arthur to the floor, feeling out what was happening to him with his magic. No air was moving through his throat, and Arthur was staring at Merlin in a panic, blue eyes locked onto blue.

It was fast-acting, magical poison, Merlin could sense it in Arthur’s body. Gaius might know its name and properties and whatnot, but Merlin did not, but none of that would help him now. His magic lashed out against the poison, not finding the antidote as much as banishing the poison from his system by breaking it down into harmless elemental pieces.

As the guards ran in, Arthur was starting to breath normally, gasping as the blue faded from his lips.

“You’ve told me a hundred times to chew my food thoroughly and not wolf it down like a stray mutt,” Merlin said, his eyes still locked onto Arthur's. “I suggest you do the same.”

“You will not talk to my son in that manner,” Uther said cooly. “If I hear that tone again, you will be cleaning my chamber pot for the rest of your natural life. With your tongue.”

“Understood, sire,” Merlin said, bowing his head before hooking Arthur’s arm around his neck and moving the two of them to standing. Arthur was able to move back into his chair on his own, and the guards filed out. The old food was sent away and new food was brought in. Merlin could see Arthur touching his neck several times throughout the rest of the dinner, and occasionally looking back at Merlin.

 

  
**4\. Literally fucking**

“Oh god, oh god, god,” Arthur panted as Merlin shoved his cock in deeper and deeper. It was a sweltering summer night, probably the last one of the year. They should have gone to the mountains on a hunt or something, and left the last few miserable days to the commoners and the cats, but there was an important meeting about something? Arthur hated meetings, he should have told everyone he was shitting up a storm and they could have snuck away to the lakes.

But, no, they were in the castle and it was really fucking hot. Everywhere their bodies were connected was dripping with sweat. Arthur pulled Merlin towards him and their chests were pressed together, and then they were kissing and everything was hot and damp and perfect.

Merlin felt his orgasm starting to rise, and with it his magic starting to peak. He’d never done this before - added magic to sex - but he wanted - needed - his magic to be a part of this. He reached out and took Arthur’s hands and pressed them next to Arthur’s head and Arthur smiled up at him. Merlin leaned down and kissed him and his magic started to spark and he could feel it moving from his body to Arthur’s body and he could feel what Arthur felt and he knew how close Arthur was and what he needed. He let go of Arthur’s hands for a moment so he could move Arthur’s knees back, and he repositioned himself and drove his cock into Arthur at a slight angle, hitting his prostate over and over and Arthur moaned his release, spurting onto his stomach, his cock untouched.

When Arthur was finished, Merlin rearranged them once more, his skin touching Arthur’s skin as much as possible. He clasped their hands together again, and his magic flowed from his hands through Arthur and out again and it didn’t take long before he was coming deep in Arthur and his magic sparked with his orgasm and then all of his nerve endings felt soft and warm and happy and he could tell Arthur was feeling it too by the drunken grin he gave Merlin. Merlin collapsed on top of Arthur and after a few minutes, Arthur said Merlin was much too heavy and much too hot and he easily rolled Merlin over to his side and they laid looking at each other, Merlin still minutes from being able for the words in his head to be able to make it to his tongue. 

Arthur grinned across the pillow from Merlin. “That was really good,” he said, his eyes still glassy, his smile lopsided.

“Mmmmm,” Merlin said, his body and his magic perfectly content to not move one bit.

“I told you I was pretty great at sex,” he said.

"Mmmmm," Merlin repeated, too satisfied to argue.

 

 

**5\. Pulling fucking Excalibur from the fucking stone**

The whole of Camelot was talking about the sword in the stone, and Merlin, quite frankly, was tired of hearing about it.

Arthur, of course, loved it.

“Is it  _the_ sword?” he asked Merlin a hundred times. “Is it the sword of the true king? Is it Excalibur?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Merlin said. He was over 99% sure that the sword in question was indeed the sword made by Tom the Blacksmith and burnished in the breath of The Great Dragon that had been thrown in a fucking lake by Merlin himself, but he couldn’t know for sure unless they went to look at it.

So they went to look at it. Arthur was nervous about the whole deal, but entirely too curious to stay home - "this could be my _destiny_!" - so he and Merlin set out at some ridiculous hour of the morning, like 5, when all people and crown princes should be safely tucked in their beds and not riding their horses through the countryside. They rode through the dawn, and started drawing a crowd as more people recognised Arthur and joined their adventure to see the sword.

They arrived shortly before noon, Arthur easily hopping off his horse and landing lightly on his feet. Merlin's arse was on fire; he wasn't ever going to be able to walk again. Arthur turned to wave to the crowd following him and marched up to the sword. It was sitting close to the edge of the lake, the sword sticking out of the slab of rock like a, well, like an erect cock if you want to be accurate, if crude. 

Merlin could feel the magic keeping the sword and stone as one. It was strong magic, but it wasn’t clever magic.

Arthur, faking confidence for his audience, waved. “If anyone should like to make their attempt before me, I say come forward.” Hundreds if not thousands had already tried their hand at it. No one was going to try as their prince was watching, and after a few moments of silence, Arthur realised this, too. 

Arthur - brave, stupid, beautiful Arthur - stepped forward and with deep breath, he wrapped his hand around the grip and Merlin only had time to picture the sword in his mind and cut the magic around the sword before Arthur was drawing it out and holding it above his head with both arms. 

The crowd erupted into cheers, and started kneeling. Arthur bowed and jumped back on his horse, Excalibur at his side. Merlin gingerly hoisted himself onto his horse. "It's an honor to be your prince," Arthur called out as he kicked his heels into his horse and they started back home. It was miles down the road before either of them spoke again, Arthur leaning over to Merlin to say, "I told you I could do it." 

 

 

**+1. A pen, a fucking pen**

They were working across from each other in the library. With a wave of his hand, Merlin had changed the cover of “A History of Magic” into a “A History of Soap Prices” because he knew Arthur wouldn’t ask him about soap prices.

He was deep in a chapter about transfiguration of animals when Arthur’s voice cut through, asking for a pen. Without lifting his head, Merlin used his hand to gesture the pen from the other side of the table into Arthur's outstretched hand. 

“Oh my god!” Arthur breathed out.

Merlin looked up from his book and blinked a few times. Arthur was sitting across from him, pen in hand, completely gobsmacked.

Well, shit.

“Ummm, I think the fumes from tannery are blowing towards the castle today,” Merlin said. “Gaius said those can lead to nausea, stomach cramps, and hallucinations.”

“Noooo,” Arthur singsonged with a grin. “That was _magic_. You're a _sorcerer_. A rubbish sorcerer.”

"I wouldn't say I was _rubbish_ ," Merlin said. 

“I can’t believe my father is afraid of sorcerers when - look at you! - all you can do it move a pen.” Arthur was very amused by this turn of events.

“I can bloody do more than that,” Merlin said, outraged.

Arthur licked his lips and leaned in. “Oh, yeah, like _what_?”

Merlin realised that this was going nowhere good, fast. “I ... can move feathers and small biscuits, too!”

Arthur threw his head back and laughed, a deep laugh from his gut. He reached across the table to tousle Merlin’s hair, which Merlin immediately smoothed back down with his hand. 

"Did you keep this secret from me because you're embarrassed?" Arthur said. He leaned his chair back on two legs, and crossed his hands behind his head. "Don't be embarrassed! It's a great party trick!" 

Merlin used a small spell to nudge the chair into falling all the way back and Arthur hit the ground with a thud and started laughing immediately.

"A real sorcerer would have saved me," he said from the ground as Merlin walked over to help him up. 

"Sure he would," Merlin said, holding out his arm. Arthur used Merlin's arm to pull Merlin on top of him, and wrapped his arms around him.

"You might be a rubbish sorcerer, but you're _my_ rubbish sorcerer," Arthur said, kissing Merlin on the lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Shows up to fandom ten years late with crackfic.
> 
> I am on [tumblr](https://numinousnumbat.tumblr.com/).


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